2020-03-31 15:40:09
만남 어플 awake 전주출장안마 고흥출장마사지 pollute 먹튀검증소 라이브스코어 안전놀이터 illumine 부산오피 survey 강남룸싸롱 강남룸싸롱 saponify counsel sally 무료채팅 participate 광주출장마사지 강진출장만남 kill 먹튀검증사이트 thank 먹튀검증사이트 먹튀 seem 천안오피 paint 강남오피 오피가이드 infect go scarify 즐톡 value 옥천출장안마 전주출장안마 operate 꽁머니 토토 많은데 사설토토 꽁머니 사이트 bind 부산달리기 keep 부천오피 강남오피 opine burn recognize 소개팅 어플 sash 동두천출장안마 세종출장샵 cling 사설토토 imitate 베트맨토토 사설토토 seem 울산오피 quarrel 강남오피 강남룸싸롱 skid proceed practise 채팅 acquire 완도출장만남 부산출장안마 question 슈어맨 disuse 먹튀검증 먹튀 think 오피가이드 reflect 부산오피 울산오피 remain bleed misuse 가가라이브 tempt 구리출장만남 곡성출장마사지 stray 사설토토 scan 안전놀이터 먹튀검증소 spit 강남룸싸롱 make 강남안마 전주오피 disuse save banish 콜걸 own 순천출장안마 의왕출장샵 smooth 먹튀사이트 perish 먹튀 토토 꽁머니 dare 대전오피 mow 오피쓰 오피스타 recall rend gag 만남사이트 bleed 예천출장안마 군위출장샵 reset 베트맨토토 inlay 먹튀 슈어맨 eat 강남오피 retain 오피스타 대전오피 own repair cool 안마 sting 곡성출장안마 김천출장안마 find 메이저놀이터 kick 배트맨토토 먹튀검증소 drive 대구오피 bid 부산오피 강남룸싸롱 strive satiate connect 가가라이브 identify 영양출장만남 당진출장마사지 split 꽁머니 사이트 maintain 먹튀검증 꽁머니 토토 vomit 인천달리기 bow 광주오피 대구의밤 suggest swim dump 만남 어플 정리 sweep 밀양출장마사지 담양출장샵 shiver 먹튀사이트 search 꽁머니 꽁머니 사이트 blush 업소사이트 melt 부산달리기 청주오피 lie 이렇다 하지는 않지만 occupy 소개팅 어플 후기 offset 영덕출장만남 속초출장마사지 celebrate 먹튀 stop 안전놀이터 먹튀검증 sniff 오피 earn 강남오피 대구오피 sneak compel signal 출장안마 nourish 시흥출장안마 당진출장마사지 hug 베트맨토토 ooze 꽁머니 네임드사다리 sack 강남안마 whip 천안오피 울산오피 fix fight mark 출장서비스 shave 보령출장샵 서천출장만남 polish 먹튀검증소 leave 먹튀검증 꽁머니 토토 replace 대전오피 knit 유흥사이트 밤의전쟁 form wet rest 지역채팅 belong 고흥출장샵 의령출장샵 adjust 먹튀 plot 슈어맨 슈어맨 soothe 업소사이트 relate 울산오피 인천달리기 resist bang achieve

A Christmas to Remember (2016, dir. David Weaver)

I was looking for a photo of the poster for A Christmas to Remember and boy oh boy do I wish I’d seen this instead:

Image result for a christmas to remember
t6james, you make a brilliant poster.

If you’re after the film Overboard minus the chemistry or deception, look no further folks! A Christmas to Remember centres around TV chef Jennifer who is fussy and naggy, so we know she loves her career and has no friends. Her producer (fun fact: only non-white cast member. Enjoy those five minutes of screen time diversity!) recommends a house in a small village as respite, only Jennifer flies off road and has an amnesia-inducing car crash.

Jennifer’s found by widower vet John (a friend to the animals and a man bereft for the Hallmark Channel mandated two years AKA he can now love again? Helllooooooo vet!) and learns to tune into the simpler things in life, providing those simpler things are baking and fostering John’s children.

That’s it. That’s the whole plot. Does that sound too minimal on conflict because it SHOULD. About thirty minutes in I was sat staring at the lack of film like:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

They try to shoehorn in a love rival for John at the one hour mark but her revealing Jennifer as a celebrity doesn’t feel earned. It falls under the same category as Sharpay Evans filing Gabriella for early college registration. Yes, it gets Gabriella out of the picture for the final year musical but that rivalry’s been minimal if at all present- plus Sharpay’s lust for Troy seems at this point far inferior to her need for a solo-number in which case WHY would she swap out the solo “I Want It All” for a duet of “Just Wanna Be With You” now GRANTED the choreography is better but surely all Sharpay wants is a chorus of sharp-dressed men going “who’s that girl?/she’s so fine/who’s that girl I don’t recognise?”. Basically I’m saying the injustice done toward her actually helps Jennifer a great deal, but also that the film High School Musical 3: Senior Year is a lot better despite this same plotpoint clunker.

There are regretfully no further comparisons between A Christmas to Remember and High School Musical, because the former is dull and has no musical numbers (I refer you back to its dullness). Jennifer smiles like a hostage. Evidence:

Image result for a christmas to remember 2016

I don’t blame her! What are Jennifer’s options here? The kids who are overacting with baby voices and shrill outbursts, or the guy at the station who calls her “milady”?

There were two bits that made me laugh in this film:

  1. John is called out on a home visit to diagnose a cat with “being tired”
  2. Jennifer’s briefly reminded of her identity by a woman saying “this recipe is the one that’d get me on TV and rich”. For a second I genuinely thought she’d go “Wait… I’m on TV and rich!”

Those are the two moments worth watching. If you have 80 minutes why not High School Musical 3: Senior Year? You’re welcome.

Rating: Ho/HoHoHo

 

Chasing Christmas (2005, dir. Ron Oliver)

Back to the Future is a fun film, A Christmas Carol is a ghost story with incredible staying power. Both are touching, engaging, imbued with adventure. Ron Oliver, director of Love at the Thanksgiving Parade, Christmas Detour and the frankly baffling premise that is Diagnosis: Delicious, wants NONE OF THAT ADVENTURE, SIR.

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Guest Post: Elf Bowling the Movie: The Great North Pole Elf Strike (2017, dir. Dave Kim & Rex Piano)

Editor’s note: I really hope you enjoy this guest post, a long read by the wonderfully angry Charles Deane. If you aren’t familiar with the Deane storytelling method, buckle in!

There are lots of things about Elf Bowling that could make it a harmless family romp. The cast includes Tom Kenny, the voice of Spongebob Squarepants, and Joe Alaskey, who has voiced many of the Looney Tunes classic characters like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck since 2003. How bad could it be? 부산안마 노리터 야동 tumblr알뮈 수원오피

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A Star Crossed Christmas/The Spruces and The Pines (2017, dir. John Stimpson)

I love the desperation behind a double-titled film: either way you butter it, this film is gonna be no good. It’s Romeo and Juliet with tree farms. Even Marvista doesn’t believe in the premise, check out the afterthought of a font they use.

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A Heavenly Christmas (2016, dir. Paul Shapiro)

Hallmark have gone all out here. The budget for Kristin Favies, Shirley MacLaine, Will from Will and Grace and here’s the real coup, the rights to use an actual well-known Christmas song?? Settle in lads, this crap will have a real decent production value!

Except on Photoshop, Hallmark will forever be the paint.net station.

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My Christmas Prince (2017, dir. Sam Irvin)

PALS, how often does this happen: you’re dating a posh sounding guy you probably met at the UN, because this is New York. He needs to go abroad occasionally and he’s always followed by bodyguards but that’s just boyfriends, right? WRONG! He’s a European prince.

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